The interesting thing about blog food writers is that they influence each other.
And because I have no life and is plagued by a great deal of loser- tricity, I spend an inordinate amount of living hours trying to deconstruct some drivel and why people say the things they do.
Yes I admit with some self loathing that I am a cantankerous arsehole most days, spiteful at times and sneering and snarky every alternate Mondays.
Strange things set me off.
I’ve long suspected that I am anal retentive and possibly slightly autistic but without the sometimes genius overtones that comes with it.
Today is one of those days. I’ve become alarmingly irritated over the last few minutes reading several blogs about Chung Cheng Chilli mee because
1. They sound almost word for word the same from different blogs like it’s been copied at least 4 times over.
2. They describe it as Singapore’s only Sarawak chilly mee stall.
3. They suggest that it is reminiscent of the sauce of satay bee hoon.
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.
Yes, in a world where I could be worrying about the spiralling trade war between China and the US and the 72 nefarious reasons why Trump will not let Microsoft just buy over Tik Tok, accurately and with great balls in mouth vision predict exactly in which month Singapore is going to impose their Second Lock Down (I say 21 September), or say with reasonable precision when a vaccine for Covid 19 will be declared and from which country (May 2021UK/China/US in that order), I fret about Chilli Mee.
So sue me.
The Chilli
First, the blogs say the chilli is made with “belacan, dried shrimps, garlic, onion and some secret spices.” . Word for word in every blog.
Then everyone waxes lyrical about the chilli.
I’m irritated that I don’t detect the Belachan or the “secret spices” . To me, it was ordinary chilli.
You want special ? I like the Pepys road Fei Zai Prawn Mee for their chilli sauce. Now that chilli sauce is aromatic and downright delicious. Why does no one rave about it ? Because it comes in a small pot ?
And I was right there when I saw the uncle transferring globs of the chilli from one huge container into the chilli pot, and the aunty stirring prawn soup in to make it less thick. Ooh so magical it was. Bollocks.
Yes much fanfare has been made about this big pot of chilli they use instead of a tiny pot people normally use.
For the love of God, why does all this make any difference to the taste ???
Is there such a thing as Sarawak Chilli Mee ?
As far as my limited research has shown (because I am a noob), there is no such thing as Sarawak Chilli Mee. I’ve found Sarawak Kolo Mee ( can never understand the rave cos it’s basically wanton noodle with minced pork which is just bollocks weird) and I’ve found Sarawak laksa.
But no Sarawak chilli mee.
One blog talks about uncle escaping from Sarawak to come to Singapore . Escape from what ? Insects ?
And because he now sells this noodle with more chilli than normal, it has become Singapore’s only Sarawak chilli mee ??
Somebody put me out of my misery and show me evidence that there is such a thing as Sarawak Chilli Mee. And that it’s as weird ass as the one served by Chung Cheng.
And the reference to satay bee hoon which one blog suggests it’s because the noodles served by Chung Cheng has a nutty semi thick paste ?
Really ? Satay bee hoon basically has a thick peanut sauce. Chung Cheng serves chilli diluted with prawn soup as I explained above.
Unadulterated bollocks. I’m about to shoot somebody.
My arseholic conclusions
First I like the aunty serving at the stall. She is nice and pleasant to everyone in the never ending queue.
But I am never ever influenced by the stall owner when I come to a clinical dissection of the food that I put up my snout.
But if he or she is nice, I’ll just say they are nice.
So let’s get that out of the way.
And the food ?
What is wrong with me that I cannot understand why everyone is raving ?
1. If I had to spend 3 seconds to describe it, I’ll say it’s a decent bowl of Bak Kut mee, or prawn mee.
2. And the chilli? It’s decent but there is nothing earth shattering about it . Can I taste the “savoury belachan “? Hell no. Was it spooned from a large pot ? Yes. Did they put more chilli than most ? Yes.
So what In God’s good name and all that is good and holy is special about that ???
Why are all of you waxing lyrical you twats ?
3. And it’s weird ass. They give you Tau pok, hard boiled eggs alongside your soft pork rib and prawns. Why ? Is that Sarawakian style ? Someone show me the evidence that the Sarawakians are that batty as their beautiful bat caves. Show me there is this thing called Sarawak chilli mee which gives you weird ingredients like tau pok and hard boiled eggs which is what you would put in Sarawak laksa.
4. Chung Cheng serves laksa as well. Has uncle simply decided to just use ingredients from his laksa to put into the prawn meepok I ordered which is just weird ass, and our food critics are now calling it special Sarawak Chilli Mee ? Shoot me now.
5. And the soup? It’s been praised for being herbal. Yes it is herbal.
But why would I want average herbal soup when one of the tenets of a great prawn mee soup is an aromatic prawny soup ?
Just like why I would want tau pok in my prawn mee ?
Has the world gone mad?
Post Traumatic Rant
Because this evening I’ve lost faith in all humanity and food critics, I have locked myself indoors so that I don’t get into an altercation with anyone.
Tomorrow, I will be going back to Beach Road Hawker Center to try another prawn noodle – One Prawn Noodle at #01-93.
If they put tau pok into my prawn noodle again, I won’t be responsible for my actions.
Chung Cheng Chilli Mee 崇正辣椒面
505 Beach Road, #01-59 Golden Mile Food Centre, Singapore 199583
Opening Hours: 9:30am – 6:30pm (Mon, Wed – Sun), Closed Tues
THE WOLF AND BULLDOG CHRONICLES 